Thursday, December 18, 2008

Happy Birthday Sawyer!!

I can't believe this was a year ago and I can't believe our little Sawyer is ONE!! He's such a JOY and adds so much love and fun to our family. Some of my favorite moments from this year were being able to watch him and bond with him during that week. He's kind of a momma's boy (nothing wrong with that!), so it was fun to get some one-on-one time with him : ) Unlike Harrison, he's a cuddler...nuzzle and nibble your neck ferociously cuddler and I just soaked it in!

Happy Birthday Love! Your Aunt Sharlie ADORES you!

Friday, December 12, 2008

Sunday, December 7, 2008


It's been two weeks since I returned home from Sanoviv and I am reaping the benefits of the treatments I received there! There is just no place like Sanoviv to get grounded and retreat for a time into an environment that it is entirely about healing mind, body and spirit. It involves intense medical treatments, vigorous detoxing, healing food that is live, beautiful and delicious, education, friendship and encouragement, meditation, and complete pampering.

I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the opportunity I have had to spend time there every year and believe it is a huge factor in why I am so strong and doing so well. I am also grateful for such a supportive and loving family who helped make the whole experience possible. Ryan and I were there for the first week while my mom and Ryan's mom took turns taking care of (spoiling!) Harrison. As hard as it was for me to be away from my baby, I knew he was in the BEST hands and was having so much fun with his beloved Granparents! Then my mom was able to bring Harrison down for a day so I could be with him. Having him there was definitely the highlight of the was the boost I needed to make it through the rest of the week. Since his conception, he has been my most potent healer and his kisses, cuddles and laughter lifted my spirits and reaffirmed my desire to fight as hard as I am able to remain his healthy momma!

After Ryan and Harrison left, I was so blessed to have my mom, Zak and Chelsea there with me for the second week. Chelsea left her own three kids to be there with me and I appreciate that sacrifice more than she'll ever know. She is just always there when I need her and it was so great to spend that time with her. It was also wonderful to be with my mom and Zak who provided needed comfort, encouragement and comic relief among other things! It was very special to all be there together and I hope we get the opportunity again to be there together, including Dax!

Here are a few of the pictures that summarize my stay!

Scenic Views: The Sanoviv grounds are breathtaking and create the foundation for a healing experience. Every suite has an ocean view. The first picture is the view from our room and the second is the view from the nurses station.

Treatment Pictures: I actually wish I had more pictures of some of the treatments I received at Sanoviv. The first is a picture Ryan took right before the surgeon put me under and placed my subclavian catheter. It was through this catheter that I got my I.V. treatments twice a day and where they extracted my blood, ran it through ultraviolet light to oxygenate it and kill any harmful organisms and then injected it back into me. The second picture is me under the photon laser that treated my lungs.

Family Pictures:

Saying Goodbye to Wonderful New Friends:

Sweet, strong ALEC

Happy Birthday Deanna!

Love you Susan!

Beautiful Georgina and Margaret

Even though I realize the effects of Sanoviv are for my long term health, I am also feeling immediate results and hope that my stay there will help me have a healthy winter season!

Monday, December 1, 2008

Breathe Easy Sweet Friend...

After being at Sanoviv for two weeks and then having our computer in the shop for another, I have a lot to catch up on. Lots of good, happy things but as I sat to write tonight, I felt like there would be a definite lack of authenticity if I couldn't share my overwhelming sadness at losing another friend to Cystic Fibrosis. It's consuming me tonight.

You'd think it would get easier for us, but it doesn't. Every new loss opens a raw wound that I didn't realize was so close to the surface that oozes with the memories of all the other losses including holding my sister against me as she gasped her last breath. It does not get easier. On the contrary...

Every new loss causes pictures to move through my heart and head like pictures on a movie reel of all the precious faces that I have loved and lost to C.F.. Starting with the first, which I will never forget...Shannon. We befriended each other as patients in the hospital when we were five years old and created an instant bond. I will never forget sitting at her funeral about seven years later and listening to the stories of how concerned she was about the boy in the next hospital room even when she knew she had only hours left to live. Then there was my sweet Lex and then Tara, Justin and Heather, then Ashley and Katie and too many from clinic to count. Now, sweet Robyn, a new friend I bonded with through blogging. We shared the blessing of both being "miracle moms."

I can see all their faces so clearly on that reel and remember the salty tears shed for each life while I second-guessed my own mortality and wondered if I would miraculously beat the odds or like my friends, become a tragic statistic confirming the viciousness of this disease. As much as I try to will the hope to come and comfort me, it's hard to feel it with leaking eyes and a broken heart.

However much pain I have felt, I do feel peace from knowing that I would not turn back the clock and not connect with these people even if it meant the aching could be erased. My life has been enriched and enlightened by my association with these earth-angels and their lessons and legacies sustain me when I am doubting and down. It's a hard club to be a part of but I wouldn't give up my is part of what defines me and who I am.

Robyn, breathe easy now and give Lexi a big hug for me. I know your precious Lola will feel you close always and be blessed by the love and devotion you poured out to her for the three years you were together. You, like many others, have a permanent place in my heart. Thank you for blessing my life. You earned those wings...FLY!