Happy Birthday Sweet Ryan!

On a recent hike, training for his Everest Base Camp trip in May

Today is Ryan's birthday and I feel so blessed to have him in my life. I can't imagine experiencing the Joy in my life with anyone else. I am so grateful for the way he takes care of our little family and always strives to put our needs first despite all the other responsibilities he has. I prayed and hoped for a man who would love me and cherish me and a man who would be my best friend and a wonderful father and I was blessed with exactly that.

Happy Birthday honey, I love you!!

Party Pictures!

I know these pictures are a month old now but sometimes I feel like if it's not documented on my blog, it didn't happen : ) Just kidding, but I did want to record a few pictures from the little family gathering we had on Harrison's birthday! We decided to just embrace the theme "CARS" since Harrison is still in love with everything that has to do with the movie "Cars."

Here are a few of my favorite pictures from the night:

Harrison loves his Grandmas!

Kitchen Crew:


We opted for "chocolate tires" from Luigi's Casa de la Tires with ice cream instead of cake : )

Present Time!

First Harrison got to hand out party favors to his cousins!

Maybe my favorite shot of the night:

Stand By Me...

Sweet Lex,

I'm struggling today. Every anniversary is different and today is an especially emotional one for some reason. My chest keeps involuntarily tightening and my vision is constantly blurred from the tears that threaten to spill over. I just miss you so much.

The thing that is difficult for me to comprehend is that you have been gone now for longer than you were here on this earth...15 years. It doesn't seem to compute, it doesn't feel possible that you have been gone for so long. I know the reason it feels that way is because you are still such a huge part of my life. I still share your story and weave it in with my own as I reflect on the intricate, elaborate tapestry that chronicles this journey I am on. I still feel you watching over us and sometimes in very quiet, sacred moments I feel prompted to look down at my hand and am reminded how our hands were forever connected here and know you are letting me know that you are still holding my hand.

Memories are like precious gifts that are wrapped and waiting to be opened carefully and with an acute awareness to the details that are forthcoming. They are always welcome even though sometimes they leave a tinge of sadness. The sadness is overcompensated by the joy of the reclaimed moment. Today one of those unexpected but welcomed gifts came to me, comforting me as I lay on my bed shedding a few warm, salty tears. I saw us lacing up our Lightening Rollerblades. Yours were fluorescent pink and mine were bright purple. We were a little timid on the roads but loved to skate circles around our 3 car garage. I can't remember whose idea it was to put the cassette player in the garage but the brilliance of being able to listen to "hey jude" and the soundtrack of "Stand by Me" over and over while we went round and round allowed us a short respite. Despite the ache I was feeling in my heart, I had to smile and be grateful for the gift of the memory.

Thank you for continuing to "Stand by Me." I feel you and I am obeying your admonition not to doubt your presence in my life. I see and feel you everyday in all the love I am surrounded in. Stay close.

Love, Shar-bar

More posts about Lexi:

"I love you more"
Golden Birthday
A Lesson Learned